Never raise your hand to your children - it leaves your midsection unprotected.
Robert Orben
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My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them. -
By no means do I want to be a piece of meat for the rest of my career. It's funny when you get asked to do a talk show, and then they follow it up with requesting you take your shirt off. -
It's a funny thing, the less people have to live for, the less nerve they have to risk losing nothing. -
My little dog, he did not get ill. It is so funny that people get ill on a boat and dogs do not. -
Being funny is one of my greatest strengths. I can make girls smile when they're down, and when they're having a good time, I can carry on the joke.
More quotes by Robert Orben
- I got a Valentine's Day card from my girl. It said, 'Take my heart! Take my arms! Take my lips!' Which is just like her. Keeping the best part for herself.
- Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
- To err is human - and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
- Don't think of it as failure. Think of it as time-released success.
- Quit worrying about your health. It will go away.