I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something's wrong with me.
Elayne Boosler
More from: Elayne Boosler
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My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger. -
It's hard to lead a cavalry charge if you think you look funny on a horse. -
The word 'funny' is a bit like the word 'love' - we don't have enough words to describe the many varieties. -
If at first you don't succeed, find out if the loser gets anything. -
Movies these days have made killers into funny people. What's that all about? I've got kids and family and friends, and I don't like bad things. I don't think they're funny, and it's irresponsible to make movies that don't show you how that's not good.
More quotes by Elayne Boosler
- I know what men want. Men want to be really, really close to someone who will leave them alone.
- I am thankful the most important key in history was invented. It's not the key to your house, your car, your boat, your safety deposit box, your bike lock or your private community. It's the key to order, sanity, and peace of mind. The key is 'Delete.'
- I am thankful the most important key in history was invented. It's not the key to your house, your car, your boat, your safety deposit box, your bike lock or your private community. It's the key to order, sanity, and peace of mind. The key is 'Delete.'
- I am thankful I was born in America, although if I gain any more weight the burqa thing may start to seem like a good idea to me. See? Another plus about America, you can always find some food.
- I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.