If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.
Erma Bombeck
More from: Erma Bombeck
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Life is about timing. -
As a kid I was short and only weighed 95 pounds. And though I was active in a lot of Sports and got along with most of the guys, I think I used comedy as a defense mechanism. You know making someone laugh is a much better way to solve a problem than by using your fists. -
I have never seen a wrestling match or a prize fight, and I don't want to. When I find out a man is interested in these sports, I drop him. -
Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps. -
I'm not buddy-buddy with the players. If they need a buddy, let them buy a dog.
More quotes by Erma Bombeck
- Youngsters of the age of two and three are endowed with extraordinary strength. They can lift a dog twice their own weight and dump him into the bathtub.
- Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you.
- A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.
- Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago.
- Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts the payments.