The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
George Carlin
More from: George Carlin
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You know, I started my career in politics in 1967. I'm not new to this. I did not just fall off the Christmas tree. I understand the world is complex. I know that there are people out there who want to hurt other people. -
I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays. -
A typical Christmas is me shucking oysters. I love them and I always get them in at Christmas. -
Christmas is the time when kids tell Santa what they want and adults pay for it. Deficits are when adults tell government what they want and their kids pay for it. -
The next thing I wrote was in a writing class at night school. It was about a poor woman who worked at a dime store and who was all alone for Christmas in Laurel, Mississippi.
More quotes by George Carlin
- If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.
- By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
- I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.
- Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.
- At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.