The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
George Carlin
More from: George Carlin
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The sharpest memory of our old-fashioned Christmas eve is my mother's hand making sure I was settled in bed. -
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We didn't have a whole lot of money when I was growing up either. I would always ask for magic books or magic tricks for my birthday or for Christmas and the rest of the year I either had to mow lawns or find part time jobs to help supplement the cost of doing magic. -
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I'm learning Spanish - I got Rosetta Stone for Christmas.
More quotes by George Carlin
- If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.
- By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
- I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.
- Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.
- At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.