The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
George Carlin
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A lot of sequins for New Year's! Red, green, white - I fail at all of that because I'm always in black. But for Christmas, I do love wearing cute dresses with tights and a pair of boots. -
In 1934, the American Jewish charities offered to find homes for 300 German refugee children. We were on the SS Washington, bound for New York, Christmas 1934. -
It was, you know, probably 80 degrees out in L.A., and my dad took me outside and there was snow. At the time, I thought, 'Every kid doesn't have snow in their backyard on Christmas?' -
I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays. -
'The war in Iraq - if Osama was a Christian - it's the Christmas present he never would have expected.
More quotes by George Carlin
- If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.
- By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
- I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.
- Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.
- At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.