A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.
Jerry Seinfeld
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I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing. -
At home in L.A., Sunday is lazy. It's the wife and me lying in bed with coffee, watching 'The Soup' or something funny on TiVo. The kid will occasionally join us. Eventually, breakfast is at a place down the street called Paty's. And we always have some kind of great dinner - my wife makes a great roast beef. -
Comedy clubs can be brutal. Those people are for real, and if you aren't funny, they aren't laughing. They don't care who you are. -
It's funny that I got to do 'On the Road' because the thing that had the biggest impact on me growing up was reading books. I was very inspired by the book and this spirit of Dean Moriarty and how envious we all are of somebody who can be that carefree. -
Life was a funny thing that happened to me on the way to the grave.
More quotes by Jerry Seinfeld
- It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.
- Well, all comedy starts with anger. You get angry, and its never for a good reason, right? You know its not a good reason. And then you try and work it from there.
- You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.'
- When I jumped off a roof in Cannes in a bee costume, I looked ridiculous. But this is my business I have to humiliate myself.
- The first real thought that I had of something that I might do was to write for car magazines, because I always had a car thing.