I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
Rodney Dangerfield
More from: Rodney Dangerfield
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I need to be cheered up a lot. I think funny people are people who need to be cheered up. -
For a culture that has such a problem with death, we seem to deal with it in a quite bizarre way. We see people shot, killed and blown up, and we find it funny and sexy and all those things. But, the reality of it is that every day people die, and people are really sad and they grieve and they go through a really difficult process with it. -
All these jokes have been pre-approved as funny by me. -
Stealing, you'll go far in life. Actually, there is something funny about getting away with it. -
I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
- I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
- With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.
- With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.
- My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.
- I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.