The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.
Mitch Hedberg
More from: Mitch Hedberg
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Manners is the key thing. Say, for instance, when you're growing up, you're walking down the street, you've got to tell everybody good morning. Everybody. You can't pass one person. -
No one would remember the Good Samaritan if he'd only had good intentions he had money as well. -
This battle for 'common-sense' gun control laws pits emotion and passion against logic and reason. All too often in such a contest, logic loses. So, expect more meaningless, if not harmful, 'gun control' legislation. Good news - if you're a crook. -
My mother gave lots of good advice and had a lot to say. As you get older, you realize everything she said was true. -
There is no kind of dishonesty into which otherwise good people more easily and frequently fall than that of defrauding the government.
More quotes by Mitch Hedberg
- Why is Cloud 9 so amazing? What is wrong with Cloud 8? That joke came off the top of my head, and the top of my head ain't funny!
- I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake.
- I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, 'You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit.' As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
- I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.
- Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus, or just a really cool Opotamus?