Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.
Mitch Hedberg
More from: Mitch Hedberg
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I call upon the scientific community in our country, those who gave us nuclear weapons, to turn their great talents now to the cause of mankind and world peace: to give us the means of rendering these nuclear weapons impotent and obsolete. -
A good leader is one who can tell another how to reach his or her potential a great leader is one who can help another discover this potential for him or herself. -
Those who want to reap the benefits of this great nation must bear the fatigue of supporting it. -
I am a big believer in education, because when I grew up in Austria - when I grew up in Austria I had a great education. I had great teachers. -
Small opportunities are often the beginning of great enterprises.
More quotes by Mitch Hedberg
- Why is Cloud 9 so amazing? What is wrong with Cloud 8? That joke came off the top of my head, and the top of my head ain't funny!
- I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake.
- I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, 'You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit.' As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
- I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.
- Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus, or just a really cool Opotamus?