When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'
Steven Wright
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I just remember Stella Tenant and me dancing in Donatella Versace's bathtub until like four in the morning. It was one of those 'pinch me' moments. -
There would be nights when I would wake up and couldn't get back to sleep. So I would go downstairs and write. The staff had a pool going on how many pages of typing I would bring in here in the morning. -
It is a challenge, with the global fame, to try to act like I put my pants on one leg at a time, when in fact I have Pippa Middleton help me put my pants on every morning. She's my lady-in-waiting as well. -
He's got an overall flair for the game. It looks to me like he really loves what he does and he can't wait to get up in the morning, go hit some balls and go play. -
It was morning through the high window I saw the pure, bright blue of the sky as it hovered cheerfully over the long roofs of the neighboring houses. It too seemed full of joy, as if it had special plans, and had put on its finest clothes for the occasion.
More quotes by Steven Wright
- How young can you die of old age?
- I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'
- For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.
- I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.
- I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving.