I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.
Mitch Hedberg
More from: Mitch Hedberg
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We hear the stories every day now: the father who puts on a suit every morning and leaves the house so his daughter doesn't know he lost his job, the recent college grad facing up to the painful reality that the only door that's open to her after four years of study and a pile of debt is her parents'. These are the faces of the Obama economy. -
Sometimes I have wrinkles, in the morning. It depends on what kind of night that I had. I accept myself and the way that I am growing older. I have eye bags and some people have proposed to me to take them out but I said no. -
I made it a morning show. We have the coffee cup, we have the morning papers. It's got that feel to it, that's what I wanted. -
True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country. -
My life had become a catastrophe. I had no idea how to turn it around. My band had broken up. I had almost lost my family. My whole life had devolved into a disaster. I believe that the police officer who stopped me at three a.m. that morning saved my life.
More quotes by Mitch Hedberg
- Why is Cloud 9 so amazing? What is wrong with Cloud 8? That joke came off the top of my head, and the top of my head ain't funny!
- I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake.
- I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, 'You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit.' As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
- I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.
- Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus, or just a really cool Opotamus?