When I wake up in the morning, I just can't get started until I've had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I've tried other enemas.
Emo Philips
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More quotes by Emo Philips
- I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator.
- A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
- Probably the worst time in a person's life is when they have to kill a family member because they are the devil. But otherwise it's been a pretty good day.
- When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
- How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.