When I wake up in the morning, I just can't get started until I've had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I've tried other enemas.
Emo Philips
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One morning, about four o'clock, I was driving my car just about as fast as I could. I thought, Why am I out this time of night? I was miserable, and it came to me: I'm falling in love with somebody I have no right to fall in love with. -
I will check the internet for at least an hour every morning scanning worldwide news to do with child abuse. So if you're constantly putting yourself in an environment where you're checking up on social economics or homelessness problems, if you keep yourself aware of it, you don't really have a day off. -
Ice skating is very difficult. It takes a lot of discipline and a lot of hard work. It's fun, but you are there on the ice every morning freezing and trying to do these moves and these tricks. -
She got the magazine on a Wednesday morning, and on Thursday announced our marriage was over. -
It is a challenge, with the global fame, to try to act like I put my pants on one leg at a time, when in fact I have Pippa Middleton help me put my pants on every morning. She's my lady-in-waiting as well.
More quotes by Emo Philips
- I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator.
- A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
- Probably the worst time in a person's life is when they have to kill a family member because they are the devil. But otherwise it's been a pretty good day.
- When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
- How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.