I'm a heroine addict. I need to have sex with women who have saved someone's life.
Mitch Hedberg
More from: Mitch Hedberg
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I can't hit on women in public any more. I didn't decide this it just doesn't feel right at my age. -
In Hollywood, the women are all peaches. It makes one long for an apple occasionally. -
Part of it went on gambling, and part of it went on women. The rest I spent foolishly. -
Women are the largest untapped reservoir of talent in the world. -
Silence is an ornament for women.
More quotes by Mitch Hedberg
- Why is Cloud 9 so amazing? What is wrong with Cloud 8? That joke came off the top of my head, and the top of my head ain't funny!
- I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake.
- I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, 'You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit.' As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
- I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.
- Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus, or just a really cool Opotamus?