If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.
Henny Youngman
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I also think if you're an actor and you can improvise, when you go on an audition and you can improvise you're just a genius. If you can, you know, take a Tide commercial and you can just say one funny line that's not in the commercial they think you're a genius. -
I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio. -
It's a funny thing, the less people have to live for, the less nerve they have to risk losing nothing. -
I understand a woman who validates herself by getting attention from the opposite sex. I have a friend who is that to a T... Doesn't mean she isn't a good person. That's a funny character to play. -
I'm so unprofessional on set it's not even funny.
More quotes by Henny Youngman
- Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
- I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.
- My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash.
- I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.
- My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad but New York City?