Henny Youngman

Discover the 10 best quotes by Henny Youngman. Make your own poster too.

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

Henny Youngman

anniversary

I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.

Henny Youngman

anniversary

My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash.

Henny Youngman

car

I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.

Henny Youngman

car

My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad but New York City?

Henny Youngman

dad

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.

Henny Youngman

funny

If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.

Henny Youngman

funny

This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His dog graduated!

Henny Youngman

graduation

I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him.

Henny Youngman

great

What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.

Henny Youngman

happiness

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