She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.
Henny Youngman
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My first marriage was very traditional, in the church, and then we left the church and went to the reception hall. So this time, I'd like to go fairy tale all the way. -
I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy. First, let her think she's having her own way. And second, let her have it. -
When the rose and the cross are united the alchemical marriage is complete and the drama ends. Then we wake from history and enter eternity. -
I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career. -
Bring a wife home to your house when you are of the right age, not far short of 30 years, nor much above this is the right time for marriage.
More quotes by Henny Youngman
- Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
- I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.
- My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash.
- I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.
- My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad but New York City?